I Never Said I Was Pele
Wow, it's been a while since I've posted anything re: auditions, possibly because I haven't had any in recent memory. Go figure. Anyway, today I had an audition for one of my favorite products: Coca-Cola. I showed up at the Hollywood Rec Center off Santa Monica Blvd to see several huge, athletic guys running some sort of team exercises on a grass field where they were juggling soccer balls in the air with their feet, catching them on the back of their necks, passing them around to each other with ridiculous precision and basically intimidating anyone who wasn't part of their team (I could tell they were part of a team because they all had on the same red-with-gold-trim soccer uniforms). Also intimidating was the interview portion where I heard many say they played pro soccer - when it was my turn, I was like, "Yeah, I've played soccer all my life. I was MVP two years in a row *cough*inthirdandfourthgrade*cough*." After everyone was interviewed and after waiting a while because the batteries on the casting team's camera kept dying which resulted in more time for amazing feats of cirque du soccer to be displayed, we were split into teams and told to "go for it!" and play a game. Luckily (?) I was placed on the red-and-gold "Destroyers" team since I happened to be wearing a red shirt and was thrust into a semipro-level soccer match.I pretended I was up to the challenge, running up and down the field with my team, calling for them to pass me the ball, attempting to steal the ball away from the other team, and basically just working it. Well, I must've been doing a great job acting that out because the Destroyers suddenly, much to my dismay, became aware of me and started including me in their game. That's when the trouble started. One guy called out to me, then shot the ball over, hitting me right square in the middle of my back when I instinctively turned away from the oncoming cannonball. Another pass hit one of my feet with such force that it almost flipped me 360 degrees in the air. One guy lobbed the ball up to me, thinking I would "head" the ball towards the goal, but I kind of just ducked under it and kept running. It went that way for the next 10 minutes or so until (mercifully) the casting assistant said she'd seen enough. That would be when the asthma attack hit and I fell onto the grass, gasping for breath while my team jogged off the field, barely winded. I eventually limped to my car and just sat there for a while, then drove away wheezing until I got to work about 40 minutes later.
Now, signs are clearly pointing toward me not booking the job, or heck, even getting a callback. But what happens if I do? Do I borrow my mom's inhaler and get some serious Shaolin Soccer-style training before the shoot? or do I just go with it and get the punishment of a lifetime (I already have a few big, red welts on me just from this afternoon) and it becomes a comedy number? I don't think I even have to worry about it at this point, really, but since I've been kind of "opposite" lately, I'll probably book this thing. Lord, help me.
7 Comments:
I didn't even know you had asthma!
OK the images of you turning from the pass and ducking under the lob are going to make me laugh all day today.
isn't it lovely when your lungs fail you?! three cheers for albuterol!! go listen to some upbeat country music, that oughtta make ya feel better :)
how dare you laugh at my shame, keating!
heh. yeah, the asthma only really bothers me when i run, but it sucks nonetheless. i've managed to stay away from having to medicate for it, but it looks like those days may be numbered. probably have to get a prescription for an inhaler soon. phooey.
and i'm listening to alison krauss as i write this, amber, since my body and lungs are still sore! :)
Wow, Amber doesn't even post comments on MY blog! WHAZZUPWIDAT!?!?!
Hey don't pass so hard! Ouch!
She's my shit-kicking, honkeytonk, whiskey girl!
I was hoping for a "rudy"-esque outcome to the story. Instead, it was just sad.
looks like this shit-kicking whiskey girl needs to leave a comment on john's blog!! and alison krauss rocks :)
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